I have an anxiety problem.
It's called feeling insignificant.

I can't knock on doors because I don't feel I have value.
I can't answer phones, or talk to people.

I'm terrified of people.
I don't think I can do feature writing.

I don't think this is going to work.

my heart is swollen right now

i'm pretty sure it was two months ago
can't pinpoint the exact date i fell in love with you
and everything suddenly fucked up like plate tectonics
crashing together
but i was too happy to notice

so i step back now and take things into perspective
people that i love have been hurt
and i hate that
but apparently burning bridges gets easier after the first time
the only way i can express myself is through this writing
so forgive me for not having confrontational skills
i can read it aloud if that'll make you feel better.

i'm graduating (hopefully) next spring.
what is happening after that?
i figured an internship would be a good place to start, not for credit, so preferably paid
but who knows?

i know right now that this love
like forced air heaters on full blast
is comfortable
and fun
and free
and crazy

and when i hear your voice
i know i want to hear it forever
at this exact moment.
the future scares the shit out of me
anyone who isn't scared of what the future holds
is an apathetic SOB
or an overly-confident tool.

i don't believe in jinxes
but this time
i want my someone to accept the changes i go through
i want you to appreciate me for all that i am
because i am special
and i don't know how i realized it
and i don't know for how long i will believe it

but i hope that, even while you're asleep,
you know how much you mean to me
how much i appreciate you
and the little things that make YOU special.

and when you toss in your sleep
i wish i could be there
to be the person you turn to face
unconsciously.

Classes are overwhelming. I think my foot is fractured. I forgot how to play my trumpet. Nothing seems to be going right this week.